Punctuation
Your serrated smile, and lethargic strokes, they stole my heart away
And now it beats an onomatopoeic “boom!”
I breathe ellipsis…I breathe ellipsis…
While our lines run
on - enjambment (say it with an accent - wrap it in a bracket)
while we – haltingly – respire so carefully
and watch for the pauses watch for the pauses to open our lungs wide to
stop our thought process free carbon dioxide need need those pauses to
tell us its lunchtime to take those deep breaths to plunge in a second
time we need the pauses we need the pauses to look into your eyes to
sit back a moment and drink you up inside watch for the pauses to keep
ourselves alive to tell us to stop abruptly and force us to decide we
need the pauses we need the pauses watch for the pauses because we’re
starving and twisted and we need the pauses to, tell, us; to- “Boom!”,
just like clockwork -
Breathe,
breathe ellipsis...
Caught in the wind
Stumbling through days into nights and back again
I never know when to stop and smell the roses.
I look about and recognize little from what I remember being there just yesterday.
Things are changing and I am trying to stay afoot.
Steady as she blows, make way and all that.
Something is off
I don't miss this feeling.
Why is it that I am doing this? What draws me to this? It's easy to blame my mom. My genetics.
Coping with things I don't realize are even there?
Self destroying habits that serve no rhyme or reason.
There is no point to them. Yet here they are, staring me in the face as I accept them as normal.
No more.
Don't Blame Yourself
When I took a life away, stripped of all its hopes and dreams,
Didn't know that she was there, it’s played again in all my scenes.
It follows me around, weighing down with guilt and shame,
I thought I'm in control, I’ll just shoulder all the blame.
My father and my daughters are reminders of my past,
When I made that little girl breathe the breath that was her last.
Ever since that fateful day, I’ve carried this around,
Slowly losing parts of me, tryna’ find the solid ground.
Everything comes back to us. Story never seems to change,
Payback for the pain I caused, then let it rearrange.
I finally realize now what I didn’t know before,
That it wasn’t all my fault, it was only fuckin war.
Nothing feels the same when it’s all dark and gray,
Shadows of the past get erased with each new day.
Taking steps, moving forward trying to stay on solid ground,
Embrace a life - no guilt or blame, in this new world I found.
Things always happen for a reason, nothing’s left to chance,
Like when Dani runs up to me and she begs me for a dance.
I look at their faces and I only see my past,
Dreaming of a day when I don’t gotta live half-mast.
Saw it as a curse, but I know that it’s a blessing,
Three daughters to remind me - of what I could be missing.
Dad used to smoke a pack a day and never saw the doc,
No wonder he got cancer and we lost him to the clock.
All the awful things - that we did while we were there,
In name of God and country, we all did our share.
God was there through everything, I thought he made it happen,
But then he lift me up to show me that I’m not forgotten.
I finally realize now what I didn’t know back then,
To live like no tmrw, my past can be my friend.
Nothing feels the same when it’s all dark and gray,
Shadows of the past get erased with each new day.
Taking steps, moving forward trying to stay on solid ground,
Embrace a life - no guilt or blame, in this new world I found.
Future is ahead of us, but don’t think you’re forgiven,
The only thing that’s guaranteed is that you’ll hurt again.
It’s funny how the hurt doesn't come from any pain,
It's the thought of not seeing - the sun through all the rain.
But know you’re not the only one weathering this storm,
There are millions of us just like you. You are but the norm.
I try to tell this to myself, each and every day.
Today is all but over, and tmrw’s a new day.
I finally realize now, what I’ve come to know at last
That today isn’t yesterday, my future’s not my past.
Nothing feels the same when it’s all dark and gray,
Shadows of the past get erased with each new day.
Taking steps, moving forward trying to stay on solid ground,
Embrace a life - no guilt or blame, in this new world I found.
Nothing feels the same when it’s all dark and gray,
Shadows of the past get erased with each new day.
Taking steps, moving forward trying to stay on solid ground,
Embrace a life - no guilt or blame, in this new world I found.
So don’t blame yourself… It’s gonna be ok.
So don’t blame yourself… It’s gonna be ok.
So don’t blame yourself… It’s gonna be ok. …
Nevermind
Whirlwinds spin and toss about like a canoe in the storm winds of the Atlantic. These thoughts going back and forth in my mind...Do I or don't I? Should we even care? Should you? No you shouldn't.
Thursday 0100
Cool spring air against my face and slowly crawling through my zip-up. Low rumbles of mixers toiling away. The barely audible humming of government water being created.
Monsters! Crackling and banging like enormous chain-link devils waking up in their ivory tower breaking the monotony. It last but seconds and they drift back to sleep.
Frogs crying out for late-night fuck buddies.
The city sleeps.
Not me.
No sleep tonight.
That comes once the new day greets us with warm sunshine and melting dew drops.
It's peaceful now.
Alone is calming.
Until it's not.
Until They come back around.
They are not welcome here, yet make Themselves at home.
I didn't even see Them arrive. I just turned around and there They are. Taunting me. Urging me.
They come to claim Their nightly prize.
I don't let Them win.
Tonight I use you as my shield and sword.
You keep me company and force Them to retreat and regroup until tomorrow.
We've been here before, You and I.
This is familiar territory for us.
Battle scars - deep wounds fortuned to remain as non-visible reminders of what once was and could never be.
Together we resist.
Midnight Thoughts
Hopeful optimism replaces abject pessimism and apathy.
Nervous laughter fills my head and thoughts of plan b's, Plan B's and planned bees swirl together to create chaotic punctuated poetry.
Reach back and grab hold! Arab gold and oil sold while being told to brace for cold...war.
Black and white on white and black keys to unlocking the truth and turning mindful thoughts into spiteful tweets. Why do we need a voice? WE don't. Most of you and us and we don't have anything interesting or important to add to the conversation. So you me and we should think about shutting up and sitting down more. Talking and speaking just to be heard and not understood is a debt taken unwillingly by all participants.
Yet. Here we are.
Nick, A Teen
Little green worms resisting the exile. Thoughtful focus and willful determination expel their tight grips. Their lifeless bodies slink and fall from my mind.
Evening, Ma'am!
Brighter sunshine evenings seen through crimsoned shrunken eyes. Bags set in and stand out towards the end. Weightful slumber on manufactured clouds. Nothingness.